HOW
TO DEAL WITH CHILDREN
FIGHTING IN THE CAR
FIGHTING IN THE CAR
Problem:The Conley family was planning to take a road trip for a couple weeks in the early summer, but they weren’t sure if it was the best idea. The previous week Mrs. Conley was driving her two children, Ron and Charlie, to daycare when they started fighting. Because they were in the backseat, Mrs. Conley could do nothing but yell. The kids ignored her and continued to fight. Finally, Mrs. Conley got fed up with the whole ordeal and turned around to try and force them to stop. Unfortunately, because she was not watching the road, she didn’t notice that a light ahead of her turned red and she rear ended the car in front of her. They were going slow enough that there was no serious injury, but now the Conleys will have to find the money to pay for the damage. Maybe they really should reconsider their vacation plans.
Discussion:
First: Keep your eyes on the road when driving. Fighting in the car can certainly lead to a dangerous situation. Some parents decide to stop the car and spank the children. This, more often that not, leads to wilder and bigger “blowups” the next time. Making children promise to behave or dividing them, placing some in the front, some in the back, doesn’t really solve the problem, either. They just find a different way to be annoying. What then should we do?
Solution:
1) Children often fight in the car when they are bored and have no control over their situation. Long distance driving is hard on children. Find ways to introduce breaks and diversions and involve them in trip decisions and scheduling plans ahead of time.
2) Before the next time you drive the children, “talk with the children when everyone is calm.” Explain to them that you cannot pay enough attention to driving safely when they make noise or fight in the back seat. Ask them how the family can solve this problem.
3) If they do not come up with this idea, introduce the plan that you will need to stop the car if you cannot drive safely. And that you will be able to drive again only when everyone has calmed down. Make sure they understand this; do not repeat it later.
4) Should there be fighting, find a safe place to stop the car and do so until all is calm. If the children bother you while in the car, step out of the car and wait outside. When all is calm – this may take from minutes to an hour - without saying anything, start again.
5) Repeat if necessary. The point is to indirectly teach the children to change their own behaviors. Should the children have a need or want to be somewhere, whether it’s school or sports, etc., they will be more inclined to change their behavior.
6) Do not discuss the incident at all while driving or afterwards.
7) Continue doing this as necessary.
Note: As the amount of time is always a concern, remember that it may be beneficial to “take time for training.” Find free time to do “training” by going somewhere with the children (to the beach or the grocery store for example) and performing the above solution, should fighting occur. This way, this “training” takes place at a convenient time. Also note that you may do something while waiting for them to calm down, such as listening to music, or reading a book.
(Discussion and Solution information from Painter & Corsini, 1975)