The Family Education Training Center of Hawai`i

What is Democratic Parenting?

Democratic parenting mirrors democratic political principles and differs from both autocratic and permissive parenting. It is the most effective method developed to date for families living in democratic societies.

Democratic Parenting is based on the work of Alfred Adler and Rudolph Dreikurs. As presented by Corsini, Painter, Popkin, and Cassel (the authors of our textbooks), democratic child rearing has the following features:

• Parents focus on their children's strengths and assume they are sensible, competent and well intentioned;
• Family members are "equal" in their rights for dignity and autonomy;
• All family members focus on the family good and contribute to the family unit in
• proportion to their skills;
• The family functions in an orderly way, established through democratic discussion involving all members;
• Certain rights are inviolable (respect, dignity, privacy, self-determination);
• Dealings are straight, honest and devoid of hierarchical power maneuvers (no forcing of one person's will on another, no harsh punishments, no manipulations, no violence);
• Family relationships are based on logic, reason and mutual respect;
• Logical and natural consequences are the major training methods;
• Parents are friendly but firm.

Democratic families can be seen as "closed" systems, in that they possess limited resources such as time, money, energy, supplies, etc. Each member contributes to these resources to his or her abilities and takes in accordance with his or her needs. Each member, not just the parents, is responsible for the homeostasis of this system. When a member draws from family resources (e.g., by damaging family property or by requiring the parent to wait for a long period) it is that person's responsibility to replenish the family resources in some way (e.g., by helping to pay for the damage, or by taking over some task that the parent would have done in the time spent waiting for the child). "Logical consequences" for misbehavior, in this way, are "pay-backs" to the system, to help fix or replenish the family that the child has disrupted in some way. Thus, all members are responsible for the smooth running of the family. Children are granted equal roles in terms of autonomy and self-determination, but they also are equally responsible (in relation to their abilities) for the smooth functioning of the unit.

This differs from autocratic systems in which the parents own the family, its resources and, even, the children--and feel they have the right to "run" the family, that is, to command all members to support this unit and behave as the parents wish. It differs from permissive systems in which the children own the family and feel they are entitled to be served and to do as they please, regardless of the effects on the family unit.

Do these Parenting Methods Work?

Evaluation research has demonstrated the effectiveness of our program in improving children's and parents' attitudes and beahvaior, and in increasing family harmony. In addition, measured client satisfaciton is very high.